Finding-Ourselves - inspirational writings, thoughts, poems, and quotes by Greg Campisi

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4/25/07
Truth be Told

The key to finally having peace in our lifetime is truth. We need to be true and honest with ourselves and each other. There's only one way to have real happiness and joy in our life, to feel connected and no longer alone or misunderstood. The way is through honesty. The truth will set us free.

So many conflicts and heartaches arise from misunderstanding and dishonesty. If someone doesn't see your point of view, or doesn't understand your actions, the first thing you have to ask yourself is did you tell them everything? Were you completely open and honest with them? Few of us really are. We so often become angry with others, feel misunderstood, left out, and alienated, but did we really take the effort to fully explain ourselves and how we feel about the situation? So many of us hold back and unfortunately, a lot of people just outright lie.

There are several reasons that people lie. They lie to "protect" themselves or someone else. They lie to spare some one else's feelings. To avoid conflict. And even more of us tell white lies. “It's just a small lie, it doesn't count,” we say. They all count.

I find time and time again the truth prevails. You cannot hide it forever. It eventually comes out. Someone slips. Someone else catches you. Someone else betrays you. Maybe you’re bribed or coerced into letting it out. Sometimes you just break down over guilt, and sometimes you just get caught. Regardless, I've seen the truth come out in the end. They say the truth hurts, and when the truth finally is revealed, it usually does. The difference is, the longer it's hidden, the more it hurts. If you are open and honest from the start, you only have to work through the initial reaction. If you take responsibility, try to explain what lead up to it, and ask forgiveness right away, it is much easier found. If you keep lying, not only does the other person you lied to have to deal with the lie itself, but they now also have to deal with your cover-up. They have to wonder how long it would have stayed buried. Because you weren’t honest up front, they wonder what else you may be lying about. Whether you are an honest person or not, I’m sure we’ve all dealt with the lies of others. We all know what it feels like to uncover a lie.

We all know the big lies hurt, but taking the chance of living the lie is worse for all involved. Whatever you lie about, you are probably lying about out of fear. You are afraid of the consequences of the truth. Afraid of their reaction. You may feel guilty about your actions, and you are afraid you will not be forgiven. You’re afraid they won't understand and you will be judged. But you have to at least give them the chance to understand, and give them the option of forgiving you, or your life will simply be a lie. You cannot truly be happy living a lie. It eventually catches up to you. Take responsibility for your actions, and be sure to try and explain why you did what you did. It’s already done, and you will have to face it one way or another. Holding it in and holding onto it just eats away at your heart and soul. You become a slave to yourself, a slave to your lie.

Take responsibility for your actions, and spare people the pain of finding out later. If you made a mistake, or if you are hiding something, own up to it. Simply confess it, apologize for it, and ask for forgiveness. If you get caught in your lie, then you become untrustworthy. You break a bond that is not always easily repaired. Even if you are forgiven for that action, you still may have lost that person’s trust for a long time. Asking forgiveness from the start is always better then having to beg for mercy after it’s too late.

Don’t think others aren’t affected by your lie. Try to think about the other person. Someone becoming trapped in your lie becomes a pawn to it. They are living a lie as well: your lie. A false life, with false security. They believe something that isn’t true. Any actions they have based on this lie is a lie itself, and that spirals out into the world and affects more than you realize. And if there is even an inkling that they are on to your lie, by lying more about it, you are just hurting them even more. Their search for the truth can drive them crazy, and then they not only doubt you, but they may start to doubt themselves and everyone else. Let them be free. You will find your way in truth.

Let's not even look at this so harshly. Let's also look at it from a simpler, lighter perspective. I am an honest person. I pride myself on not lying. However, to compensate, over the years I have become very good at avoiding the whole truth. Everyone seams to develop this knack. No matter how honest we are, some things we keep inside. We hide it from the world, afraid of letting it out, afraid of being judged and ridiculed. So we keep them inside ourselves and lock them up. Even when we are confronted, there are plenty of ways of avoiding the truth, but not quite lying. We tell partial truths and dance around the real answer. Give misdirection. Tell just enough so the other person stops asking questions. We become master artists of misdirection simply to protect ourselves. But are we really doing our hearts a favor? Does keeping it inside really get you farther than letting it out?

Sometimes hiding in the truth can be just as harmful as a lie itself. If you do not tell the whole story, how can you expect anyone to understand you? To empathize with you? To be completely on your side? Even worse, they may be on your side with false ideas, and only half-truths. How many times has that happened? How many times have you defended someone, only to find out the whole truth later? Or find out the other side of the story? You went forward defending this point of view, and ultimately you realize you have been fighting a war based on a lie. And that just leaves you feeling hurt, and other people telling you “I told you so.”

Let’s look at one more point of view. Even if we aren’t lying, and even if we aren’t trying to hide the truth, we still hold too much inside. How many people, how many times a day don't really speak their mind? Hold back their feelings? And why? Fear. They're afraid to speak up. They’re afraid to voice opinions because whomever they are speaking with may not like the opinions. They may not agree or perhaps not believe. They may criticize and reject. Whether it's about a situation, or about someone else, voice yourself with understanding and compassion. How many times where you hurt and said nothing? How many times where you taken advantage of and remained silent, feeling like a victim, and feeling stupid for allowing it to happen? How many times were you angry and just walked away? Don't be afraid of potential confrontation. Just be careful not to be too defensive or too aggressive with your feelings. And most importantly, don't be afraid of the outcome. If you take your time, be completely open and honest, you will feel good about yourself. Even if the person you are dealing with cannot do the same, they will respect you for being open. Speak from your heart. Say what is on your mind and what you are feeling, and do it the best you can. Regardless of their reaction, if you let the truth shine, you can walk away happy knowing you did your part.

It's not always intentional that we hold things back. Most times we do so because we think it's the better way. We think we are doing ourselves or someone else a favor by hiding what we feel, what we know, or what we did. It's a learned behavior. It's time to change. Don't worry about everyone else. Who knows what they were taught, or simply learned from the people around them. If they grew up in lies and hidden truths, can you blame them for living a life they think is "normal"? How many people think a white lie is harmless because "everyone does it"?

It starts with you. You know better. You now understand how important truth and honesty is. It allows us to be happy. It lights the way to understanding and allows us to feel connected. Do your best. Be as honest as you can whenever a conflict arises. Be as open as you can whenever your feelings are hurt. Whenever you are unhappy, let down, or disappointed, let people know, and you have done your part. If you say nothing, if you keep it inside, nothing good can come from it. If you let it out, at least you can have piece of mind, and peace inside.

Understanding begins with truth. It begins with honesty. We need to express our entire point of view. We need to express all our feelings. We cannot be understood if we are not open. People cannot see our perspective if we only paint half the picture. Why do you think we have feelings? It is our way to measure our hearts. It is our spiritual ruler. It is the key to a fully realized and complete life. If we feel bad, there are reasons. And those reasons need to be confronted, and released.

Holding it in just eats away at our heart and soul, and becomes reflected in our physical body. Haven't you heard people say something makes them "sick to their stomachs just thinking about it"? Stress literally eats away at us and can kill us. Who doesn't like being happy? Who doesn't like to laugh? Who doesn't like having a good time? I know I always feel better mentally and physically when I'm having fun. And who likes to feel bad? Or feel guilty? Or feel frustrated, stressed, upset? Who wants to be angry? I don't. And if I had the choice, I wouldn't ever want those feelings. They are with us to tell us something is not right. Tell us our life is off kilter… tell us we missed a beat… missed a lesson... misunderstood.

It can all be avoided. Imagine our lives without stress and frustration, without arguments, without going to bed upset or angry. No more guilt. No more regret. We don't need to hold onto the pain. It is in our past. What’s done is done. We all make mistakes. What’s important is that we understand why. See how we got there, and see what we missed along the way, so that we can move forward with knowledge and awareness. Learn from it, understand why it happened, and leave every situation with peace of mind, no longer holding onto the pain of the lie. We can free ourselves from the hurt, fear, frustration and alienation. It just takes honesty with yourself and each other. Let the Truth be told!